On Remorse and Change

Cancel culture. As with all phrases, it has different meanings depending on who one asks. Ask one side of Generation Z, the answer will be: “A system to hold influencers and celebrities accountable for their mistakes.” Ask another, they’ll say: “A poor demonstration of mob mentality that isn’t even effective.” The millennials would not care. The older generations, like Generation X and the Boomers, will likely say it’s a weapon that’s used against them more than any other. The top definition of “cancel culture” on the Urban Dictionary is: “A modern internet phenomenon where a person is ejected from influence or fame by questionable actions. It is caused by a critical mass of people who are quick to judge and slow to question. It is commonly caused by an accusation, whether that accusation has merit or not.”

And, with all perspectives and definitions, there are holes to inspect in each of those answers, improvements that one could make to make an overarching definition. In its idealistic form, cancel culture is the use de-platforming a certain influencer or celebrity in the hopes that that influencer will take accountability for problematic actions. Instead, cancel culture typically manifests itself in the following scenario:

“X influencer hung out with friends during the pandemic.”

[X (who is usually a child) now receives death threats until they are forced to give a half-hearted apology for a mistake that they don’t understand because people are too busy giving them death threats.]

In this way, whether or not the influencer in question did something wrong, they just release an apology in order to get away from the prying eyes of the public. Even then, the apology is almost never accepted. So although cancel culture might be a helpful tool in de-platforming people who have actually carried out crimes (such as sexual assault or harassment) or been a bad role model (such as perpetuating racism), it is typically used against minors who thought they were having fun on TikTok, but instead receive countless hate comments. It also does not allow the person being accused to take accountability for their actions. If one carries out an action, whether or not it is problematic, and receives death threats as a result, they will think of themself as the victim. The only remorse they will have will be for themself.

So cancel culture in reality is unhelpful and detrimental to having people learn from their mistakes. Remorse for what has actually been done wrong is no longer an option, because although the “keyboard warriors” thought they were doing something right by sending in those death threats and doxxing them, they actually perpetuate the problem. It is very rare that a person is actually educated on their mistakes and pledges to do better having learned from those mistakes, because often, these celebrities are not given the chance.

Cancel culture usually does not even target the right people. For example, well-known TikTok influencers such as Tony Lopez were accused of sexually assaulting young teenage girls whilst he was above the age of majority; he still has a platform and never apologized. People who carry out real crimes such as these should be held accountable and yet they are not. In addition, celebrities who are too high up on the ladder — A- and B-list — usually do not even recognize that their mistakes have been found.

So in reality, true remorse for real mistakes does not come from cancel culture — at least, not typically. True remorse comes from reflection, from learning from one’s own mistakes and recognizing the fault in their actions. Cancel culture does not allow a person the time to learn this remorse. Even if one does have this remorse, cancel culture does not accept it.

So the question becomes, how can a person gain this remorse, if not through cancel culture? And how may one prove that their remorse exists?

Remorse can only exist if a person realizes that their is growth left to achieve — this is known as a “growth mindset.” It is the recognition that no matter what they do, their actions will never be perfect, but there are steps one can take to get closer to it. If perfection is infinity — it exists and yet is impossible for us to reach — consider growing as moving up the timeline. One thousand is certainly better than one. One million is a whole lot better than one thousand. Being constantly aware of this growth means being constantly aware of what one could have done, which leads to the golden ticket — remorse.

But what does remorse do, and why do we strive to reach it?

Remorse is a middle point between mistake and improvement. One cannot make a mistake and improve on said mistake without recognizing their mistake. Remorse is what allows us to find out next steps that will hopefully be better than the last. And so, this improvement in actions, or attempt at it, is what demonstrates that the remorse exists. Remorse without change is unhelpful — it pervades the owner with guilt and shame without the hope of improvement, and it demonstrates to the outside world that the owner probably did not have any remorse at all. Changing one’s actions to be better is the only way to grow and become more moral and empathetic.

Although it seems idealistic, if some people recognizes this pattern, this striving for betterness and morality, and follows it as best as they can, the world will be infinitely better. If every choice impacts the next infinite number of choices, then each choice to have remorse and change based off said remorse is impacting those in the future. If it can change the lives of so many, there is no reason to not take it. We must abandon the pervasive nature of cancel culture and instead take on a collective growth mindset.